The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity
I haven’t blogged or posted photos in a while. It’s something I’m painfully aware of when I read my favourite blogs, updated every week or two with news and thoughts big and small. I guess I’ve been buried in work, man worries and ever so occassionally enjoying my life!
Today’s topic is insecurity. My own has been preoccupying me of late. Suffice it to say I have never felt as threatened, angry, jealous and just plain unreasonable as I have for the past few weeks. I’ve actually been pissing myself off. A lot of the insecurity is prompted by the internet. Facebook’s newsfeed will kill me one day.
Or more precisely, the voice that is sometimes tiny but is now booming:
‘Who’s she? Who the FUCK is she? She’s prettier than you are. Beautiful, even. And probably swears a lot less and is super glamorous and well, who wouldn’t fall in love with her? You’re CERTAINLY not beautiful. You’re not even special. Did he convince you you were special? Oh I’m sorry, that was something he does to all the girls. And this one is a younger, fitter, prettier kind of special than you are so don’t kid yourself love….’
And so it goes. Every day. And one day I hope to be free of it and to be able to trust a man enough to truly believe that I’m the only one that matters. To be treated specially or singled out in some way that makes me feel like I’m not just another girl at the end of a compliment.
